My Soundtrack Wasn't on the Radio

There were nights in Los Angeles when I didn’t want to talk.
Didn’t want to see friends or go out.
Didn’t want to cry.

I just wanted to stand still.

So I’d drive to Marina del Rey.
Find the quiet beach.
Wait for sunset.
And stare out into the ocean like it had something to say back.

And without fail, the same song would play in my head:
Binary Sunset ... from Star Wars.
That scene of Luke Skywalker staring at the twin suns, wondering if there was anything more out there.
Feeling stuck. Small. Hopeful. Hopeless.

I didn’t choose that song.
It just… played.

Every time I stood there, that music rose in my mind like a cue.
And suddenly, I wasn’t in LA anymore.
I was in a story.
One with no audience. No applause. Just a boy, a beach, and a question:

“Am I wasting my life chasing this?”

The sadness was quiet, but thick.
The self-doubt came in waves ... soft, then sharp, then soft again.
And somewhere in the middle of it, I’d catch myself whispering to something ... God, the Force, the universe, I don’t even know ... asking not for success… but just to not lose hope.

Everyone has a bar. A couch. A corner.
That’s where most people go to forget the pain.

But me?
I went to the water.
And weirdly enough… I went to Star Wars.
Luke’s loneliness mirrored mine.
His stillness made me feel less alone.
And that music ... that swelling, aching John Williams score ... it became my unofficial soundtrack for every time I questioned everything.

And here’s the strange part:
Those moments didn’t break me.
They held me together.

Because in the middle of feeling like no one saw me…
I saw me.

That’s Main Character Syndrome, isn’t it?
It’s not arrogance.
It’s survival.

Sometimes the world won’t give you a sign.
Sometimes it won’t even give you a line.

So you score the moment yourself.
And pray it matters anyway.

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About the Author
Mish’al Samman is a writer, performer, and lifelong fanboy who began his career covering comics, film, and fandom culture for Fanboy Planet in the early 2000s. With a voice rooted in sincerity, humor, and cultural observation, his work blends personal storytelling with pop-culture insight. Whether he’s reflecting on the soul of Star Wars or exploring identity through genre, Mish’al brings a grounded, human perspective to every galaxy he writes about.