LOCAL DJ PLAYS SAME MIXTAPE SINCE 1997, CALLS IT 'A SET'

Regulars at an underground venue known only as the Imaginarium report that the resident DJ, who performs as DJ Meesh, has not changed his mixtape in "about twenty-eight years, give or take a breakup."

Asked about the setlist, DJ Meesh said the playlist "knew where he was headed before he did," a claim music experts are unable to disprove and the playlist declined to comment on.

The set reportedly opens with a slow ballad from a teenager's bedroom, builds through late-80s rock and peaks with what one clubgoer described as "a key change that hit me emotionally and also slightly in the chest." Staff confirm the alien living in the air ducts has started tapping along, "which is new, and frankly worse."

Venue management says it has no plans to intervene. "People think he's stuck," said the manager. "He's not stuck. He's sampling."